were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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