i will never coherently bang her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize