it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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