so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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