He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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