Porn is love you can see.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I yelled at your uterus for you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
