I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
