Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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