While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
