I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
