shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to wash the frat house off of me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
