I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
