I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
