Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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