I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
