i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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