Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
