this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
