I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
