I should be sponsored by Trojan
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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