How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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