I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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