this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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