I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
