a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
