I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
