Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
