I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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