I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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