chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
