So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
