I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
