My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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