Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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