I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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