Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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