Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
