Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
