Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
