My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
