My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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