i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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