Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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