i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who died my cat blue again?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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