Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sarcasm needs its own font
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
