Fine. I'll sleep in my office
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
