Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
