Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
