I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
