So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
