1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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