11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
